Ramblings of a first-time-mom

In 2 days my life will change. I am scheduled to bring my little one into the world. I am terrified, yet excited. I am doubtful of my abilities, yet know I am the most ready I can be. Everything is packed and prepared. The nursery is mostly complete. Close friends and family have all been alerted. Yet, I am still nervous about bringing home a new life.

We live in an uncertain world. Humanity always has, there is nothing new about that. I know these aren’t the darkest days the world has seen, but they sure do seem a fair bit scarier than when I was a child. And maybe that’s how it always has been. I’m sure my mom thought the same thing.

Now that I know the exact day and process of my little one’s arrival, I find myself wanting to just keep him in. At least in there, I can know exactly where he is at all times. I only have to worry about my personal actions and how they may affect him. I do not have to worry about outside influences (all that much) and how other people might hold him, or talk to him, or love him differently than me.

I truly want him to grow up unafraid and compassionate. As all parents, I want him to have more than I ever did and I want him to never worry about anything. I want to raise a smart, considerate and gentle person. I want him to know about the struggles of others and how to be a positive light.

Ideally, I want him to come out of the womb knowing the things that took me years to learn. I just want him to be better. And I think that’s the hope for any first-time parent.

For now I will just focus on the day-to-day stuff. I will feed him when he is hungry and change him when he’s messy. I just hope I can be all the things I want him to be. That seems like a good place to start. And for now I won’t place any pressure on him and just let him be a kid.

I love him with everything I have in me already. I just hope it shows.

I don’t know when I will post again, but hopefully I can give an update on my little Butterball soon.

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